The Hamburglar is back. It’s been a year and a half of solid drug abuse and women chasing for the burglar, but my desire and need to spread the gospel of Burger King and Arby’s has brought me back here today. During the sex, drugs, parties and bitches, I have still found time in my regular schedule to visit the king and go down the road to get some of that good old fashion beef and motherfuckin cheddar.
Arby’s on the reg. Bk on the reg. Hj’s on the reg. Coca-Cola Classic on the reg………….that’s the Hamburglar in a nutshell.
Today, I will be presenting you a season preview. No, not a season of a sports team or anything like that, but a season preview of the thing closest to my heart: the burger.
This preview will consist of breakdowns of all my favorite hot spots: BK, Jack in the Box, Carl’s Jr., and the one restaurant that makes my tongue cum every time, Arby’s.
For the wayyy locals, there will also be a Fast D report
We’re obviously starting off with the Jesus of restaurants, Arby’s.
Here’s the number one thing about Arby’s: It is fucking delicious. There’s no way around it. People hate on Arby’s on the motherfuckin reg because they just see the commercial and get all freaked out over roast beef. The thing is, it’s not just roast beef. It’s like the Tom Brady, the Blink 182 If you may, of Roast Beef(and that is a compliment to the roast beef as well Tom, Mark, Tom, and Travis.)
Also, guess what type of jams are always on at Arby’s? Yeah, country jams. The Burglar lives on country jams. Little side note about the Burglar: When he loves something, he loves it. As of right now there are 7 things, not including people, who have my never ending love and support(not in any particular order):
Arby’s, Blink 182, Coca-Cola Classic, Country Music, Drugs, the Chargers and the Padres.
(And when I say drugs, I mean drugs I do and drugs I don’t do. I am a major supporter of experiences.)
So look at the list, Arby’s manages to combine 3(4 if you blaze in the parking lot)
of the greatest things in the entire world. Thank you, Arby’s.
A little sidenote, Arby's only serves Pepsi products but luckily the Hamburglar is pretty extreme and loves himself a Mountain Dew on occasion. Mix it with a little dr. pepper and bam, best 24 flavors you can have.
I’m pretty exhausted. The Hamburglar is getting fatigued.
So let’s take a break from all this Arby’s talk and let me give you a quick summary of the Blink 182 concert. It was amazing. Just absolutely the fuckin best. As the burglar told his buddy “Now I know how teenage chicks feel when they see Justin Timberlake.” They played all the jams and made everyone cum out of their ear pussys.
And you wanna know what the funniest thing ever to say is? Of course you do. Whenever there’s a song playing, no matter where you are, and you just wanna get a conversation started with someone just say “Oh my goodness, I lost my virginity to this song.” It’s the funniest. Then you can follow it up easily with things like “yeah, back of my moms car.” or “it was over by the first verse” and the Hamburglar’s personal favorite “I only had to use 1 rufi” By the way, the Hamburglar is a strong believer that your first time for anything sexual should be in the back of a car. First time you see boobs, touch vag, get a hand job, get a blow job, lose your virginity; all of it should originally be done in the car.
The Hamburglar is calling it a day. The preview will be continued on Monday. On a leaving note, my girlfriend told me I was predictable, so i punched her in the face.
Xoxo,
Burglar, Ham
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